Topic: UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPOUSE (2)  By Pastor Faith Oyedepo Living Faith Church [ Winners Chapel] 19 February  2022

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UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPOUSE (2)

Dear Reader,

Recently, I started teaching on how effective communication can help you in understanding your spouse. I also said that effective communication is the bedrock of every successful and meaningful relationship. Therefore, in understanding your spouse, the communication line between both of you must continuously be open and effective. There is a need to ensure effective communication between each other because as you sit as a couple to talk together, you will discover and understand yourselves better. Understanding is what makes anything outstanding. If your relationship with your spouse must be outstanding, there must be effective communication. Lack of effective communication can lead to shame, just like that of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

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Effective communication is a vital key in every successful relationship. I have proved it, and it has worked for me. So, I am too sure that as you give yourself to the dictates of the Word of God on this matter, your relationship shall witness a total turnaround, in Jesus name! For instance, Eve’s discussion with the serpent goes to show that she lacked effective communication in her marriage. If she had a good communication link with her husband, I do not think she would have had time to communicate with the serpent. Please, dear reader, maintain good communication channels with your spouse before he or she begins to communicate with the devil. You can make a haven of your home by engaging in effective communication. Do not assume you know each other; take time apart to talk together about your destiny and future. Talk with and about your children, talk about your finances. Discuss your dreams and goals in life together, and God will surely see to it that you do not fail.

Benefit Derived from Effective Communication

• Intimacy: To be intimate means to be detailed and obtain knowledge of somebody by deep study or long experience. Intimacy always bridges the gap of loneliness, but when there is no togetherness and communication, there cannot be intimacy. When there is no togetherness, a gap is created, and when a gap is created, the enemy is given the opportunity to come in. But as you share your innermost dreams and aspirations together, you gain advantage over the enemy. The Scripture says in Ecclesiastes 4:9, Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. Also, it is written in Matthew 18:18, “Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Effective communication among spouses involves more than passing across a feeling, thought, message or desire. It goes over how a thing is said, when it is said and where it is said. In marriage, the word ‘communication’ is broken down to ‘communion’, which means ‘sharing of thought and feeling’. Breaking this further, it gives us ‘commune’, which literally means to speak together as close friends. Until you successfully pass a message, a thought or a feeling across to someone else, you cannot be said to have communicated effectively.

Factors that make for True Communication

• Trust: Trust is the number one component in communication, and this is because it always keeps the communication lines open. You cannot effectively disclose your innermost dreams, thoughts and desires to someone you do not trust. As a spouse, you must maintain an attitude of openness. You must not hide anything from your spouse, no matter how minute. The Word of God says in Genesis 2:25, And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Even if it was something that happened in the past, and you know it has to do with building trust, make sure you do not hide it from your spouse. Today, many marriages and homes are in disarray as a result of some hidden matters not disclosed before marriage but revealed after marriage. Some individuals in marriage are even being blackmailed by such hidden matters today. If you are in that category, receive grace now to tell your spouse the truth, in Jesus name! There is nothing that cannot be forgiven. Trusting your spouse means having full confidence, faith and assurance in him or her. As a couple, you must work at being trustworthy because trust is the solid foundation upon which effective communication is built; do not destroy it.
• Openness: It is written in Isaiah 58:7, … hide not thyself from thine own flesh. When two become one in holy wedlock, nothing should be kept secret. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:28, …He that loveth his wife loveth himself. No one keeps a secret from himself; therefore, both of you must be open to each other. Openness breeds trust and trust is the foundation for effective communication. Do not speak in parables to your spouse, else he or she will not understand you. Be truthful in your communication. I have discovered that when a wound is covered, it tends to fester and worsen, but when it is opened, healing comes. Openness is not only for women; men also need to learn openness in the art of communicating with their wives. Understanding your spouse is not possible without being open to him or her. For instance, issues relating to finances and sexuality are often difficult for spouses to effectively communicate. This has to do with beliefs such as, ‘You are not supposed to know about that’, ‘adults should be able to take care of money matters’ and ‘you should be able to handle all your own problems without seeking help’. I want to let you know that these are the issues that you should pay proper attention to and be open about when discussing with your spouse. This will enhance your communication and bring about intimacy and understanding.

However, it is not possible to fully understand your spouse without the help of the Holy Spirit, who is the Spirit of truth and understanding. You gain access to the Holy Spirit by accepting Jesus, the giver of all understanding, as the Lord of your life. Therefore, if you want to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and personal Saviour, say this prayer: Dear Lord Jesus, I come to You today. I believe You died and rose again for my sake. Forgive me of my sins, take over my life, make me Your child and let Your peace reign over my life. Thank You for saving me.  Now I know I am born again!

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