Topic: UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPOUSE(1)  By Pastor Faith Oyedepo Living Faith Church [ Winners Chapel] 24 January 2022

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UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPOUSE(1)

Dear Reader,

It is the beginning of another month, and once again, we have an opportunity to explore another topic. This month, I shall be teaching on what I title ‘Understanding Your Spouse’. As it is often the case with most marriages, couples come into it not knowing what it entails. It is simply assumed that at a certain age, one should get married and whatever you find in there and experience will be left to fate to decide. This ought not to be so, the place of knowledge and understanding can never be overemphasised, and that is my focus this month.

Men enter into marriage expecting their mates to be playmates and share their recreational interests. That explains why most men expect everyone around them to appreciate the game of football or boxing. On the other hand, women expect to find a loyal and faithful companion. That is, in spite of a man’s tight office schedule and other concerns that preoccupy his mind, when he returns home, his wife expects him to be able to sit around her enjoying companionship as she tells or rather bore him with all her unending stories. Understand that while men need recreation to relax, women need loyalty in order to feel secure. Both need their own interests, but they also need interests that overlap. Both need their own space and privacy, but they also need to come together and support each other. They need playtime together.

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Therefore, a marriage relationship must meet the needs of both the man and the woman. As male and female partners in marriage, you must understand and appreciate your peculiarities, which make up your personalities. Men are men, and women are women. Understanding the uniqueness of the male gender will help the woman appreciate why her man acts the way he does, thus eliminating problems from the family. The Word of God in Proverbs 24:3 says, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established. God designed the man to be the head of the union; he is the aggressor and provider. He is designed to take the lead, while the woman is the follower. When anyone tries to change this order, problems arise sooner or later. The relationship between some couples today can be safely likened to that between a cat and a dog, all for the absence of understanding.

What is understanding? To understand someone simply means to know that person’s character. It can also be defined as the power of clear thought or being able to tolerate other people’s feelings and views. Also, it implies having knowledge of the meaning and importance of something or somebody. Understanding is the major foundation that every couple must consciously lay in order to establish a good foundation, which in turn results in the building of a good home. Without understanding, there is no relationship; without relationship, there is no togetherness, and without togetherness, the house cannot stand. The Bible says, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches (Proverbs 24:3-4). So, if you want your relationship to be filled with pleasantness and riches, then understanding is a must.

There are major keys needed to aid a proper understanding of your spouse. One of such keys is Effective Communication. Communication is the bedrock of every thriving and successful relationship. One of the major problems in the first family that God instituted, which culminated in its fall, was the lack of effective communication. Communication is not just talking but talking effectively to, with and about each other. Sharing each other’s feelings and thoughts together, creating time together to observe each other’s likes and dislikes, etc. Also, listening is crucial to effective communication. A wise man once said, ‘Good listeners are good lovers’. You must learn to pay close attention to what your spouse is saying. Any spouse who is more talkative or too quiet to respond to communication falls short in this area and needs to do something about it fast.  There must be talking and listening in order to have effective communication between both of you. Listening expresses care and attention. So communication is a two-way thing; it is sending and receiving messages. Talk, but listen too. Listening is often a little more difficult; the message sent is not necessary until it is received. Therefore, learn the art of listening to your spouse; else, he or she will feel neglected. In communication, understand that the women are more at a feeling level, and the men are more at an information level. Always make sure you clarify your understanding of verbal communication. Try to restate what you have heard to see if what you heard is what was intended. This takes some effort and courage, but it is worth it to foster a meaningful conversation. If what is heard is what was intended, build upon it.

However, effective communication with your spouse begins with your ability to effectively communicate with God. You cannot communicate with God except you are first His child. If you would want to receive Him and become a child of God, please pray this prayer with me: Dear Lord Jesus, I come to You today. I believe You died and rose again for my sake. Forgive me of my sins, take over my life, make me Your child and let Your peace reign over my life. Thank You for saving me.  Now I know I am born again!

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